So as many of you may already know, from reading though my Facebook and Twitter posts, that I have been sober for the past 40 some days. I must say, this has been the longest and most difficult days of my life to say the least. The hardest part about being sober is the fact that I LOVED to drink and party. When I say LOVED, I really mean it. There was nothing I liked doing more than blacking out and living life like a god damn rock star. Unfortunately though, my body is not on the same page as my childish spirit anymore.
Some people might know what I am talking about, and some people may not. So for all of you that do not know why my body is not on the same page as me, let me fill you in. In July of 2011 I was diagnosed with Chronic Pancreatitis and Ulcertive Colitis. Two "diseases" that cause extremely uncomfortable pain and discomfort. Without getting too scientific on ya'll, basically my pancreas is not producing the digestive enzymes my body needs to function properly, and my colon is extremely inflamed and infected. As of right now, there are no cures for Pancreatitis. There are only ways to cope with it, and a few preemptive measures I can take to try and avoid further complications. But according to a few doctors it is something that can not get any better, only worse. But like I said, there are things I can do to prevent further complications. One of those things is to quit drinking alcohol. Alcohol is one of the leading causes of Pancreatitis, along with poor diet and for some people shitty luck and genetics. For me, it is a combination of all three.
I dont want to get all sappy and depressing on everyone here, so I am not gonna focus too much on the Pancreatitis and Ulcertive Colitis. As serious as it is, it is something that I do not like thinking about that much. It scares me, and makes me really uncertain about my future. On the same hand though, it has been a blessing in disguise because it has really caused me to take a step back and re-evaluate how I have lived my life the past...oh decade or so.
As I said in the first paragraph. I loved living my life like a rock star, and I think I did a pretty damn good job at it too. Between going to OU and being a part of bad company (for those of you that dont know what I mean by that... well I guess you never will) I have tip toed the line more than once, and have pushed the envelope as far as it could go. Looking back, I dont understand how I have made it this far without serious consequences (whether it be health, financial or legal).
Without getting into too much details in this post (Id like to save some of these stories for later), some crazy ass shit has happened to me while drinking in the past. Just to name a few:
- Panama City Beach 2008: I was hit by a bus while crossing the street and broke my foot and spent the next morning in the ER.
- Las Vegas 2008: I was kicked off of an airplane before take off for being too intoxicated and causing a disturbance. I was stuck in Vegas for another 24 hours, by my self, with none of my luggage or a cell phone. I only had my wallet and about five grand... not a good situation for a boarder line alcoholic/addicted gambler to be in.
- Las Vegas 2009: After 5 days of no sleep, barely eating and indulging in the finest liquor, champagne and some illegal substances I shall refrain from listing, I thought I had a heart attack on the flight home. We hit really bad turbulence, and I freaked out. Lost my vision, my throat closed up and I could not breathe, and my whole left side of my body went numb. I thought I was going to die 5000ft in the air. It turns out, the symptoms of a panic attack mimic those of a heart attack. Probably one of the scariest things that has happened to me.
- I was once paid $400 to walk into the Crystal (one of the many bars at OU) butt ass naked to try and order a shot of Jameson. Yes, there are pictures to prove this. Yes, I have them in my possession. And Yes, I am contemplating making a blog specifically about that event. Not to toot my own horn too loud, but it was an epic day! I am lucky I did not get a public indecency ticket for running around Court Street in my birthday suit.
- I started a fire once on the walk home from Courtside (another OU bar, and quite frankly the best bar on campus in my opinion) and was stopped by the cops and talked my self out of getting in trouble.
- I was once pulled over for drinking and driving and was let go. A little back story to this one: we had a 9 on 9 Keg Race in my front yard that day. We all wore t-shirts that we kept tally marks on for how many drinks we had. I was wearing this shirt when I got pulled over. The number of tally marks? 24. The same cop that pulled me over was at the keg race earlier in the day making sure we werent getting too crazy. Also, when I was pulled over I had 3 sober people in my car and was the only one drunk. The cop made one of the sober girls drive and told me not to come back out again that night.
- I need more fingers and toes to count how many times I have fallen off of a bar stool and banged my head on either the concrete floor in Courtside or the hard wood floor in the Pub. God only knows how many concussions I have had that went untreated.
- I gave a wedding speech once, completely blacked out. and KILLED it (I guess this really isn't a bad thing.)
- In conjunction with walking into the Crystal naked. I also have danced on many of bars naked (yes, I know this is normally something chicks do) but when I used to drink I had a really weird obsession with taking off all my cloths.
- I once was caught pissing on the side of the hookah bar in Athens by two APD officers. As they were getting ready to arrest me, they got a call on the radio that something had gone down at the Crystal. Needless to say, they rushed to the Stal and left me standing there. Dick in hand and all...with no ticket or arrest.
I am sure that there are many other things I am leaving off of this list, but right now I cannot think of them. Having to give up drinking is like taking on a totally new life style. For the longest time my life consisted of going through the daily motions, just to get by, so I could binge drink and black out. No one is forcing me to quit drinking, I could continue to live like this if I choose. The only downfall would be the possibility of some serious life long pancreas complications, and possible consequences I do not even want to think about. I have given up drinking for personal reasons as well. Not to say I will never drink again, I dont know if I can go on for the rest of my life being this boring. Besides, I have a lot of things going on this summer that require some alcohol intake (The Indy 500, A Bachelor party, a wedding and a houseboat trip to Lake Cumberland).
The biggest thing I am focusing on now is trying to stay sober for as long as possible. What makes it a lot easier is knowing I have a huge support system behind me. My family is number one. My parents are very supportive of me and are always here for me when I need them. My friends are a huge influence on my life, and all of my friends have been really understanding and supportive with me trying to give up booze. Which I am sure is hard for a lot of them, because almost everyone associates me with being the "crazy" one, the one who always loves to party and have a good time. Well I am still that person, I just am taking it easy on the booze for now.
Re-assured though, I will never turn into that person that gets all self righteous on everyone around me because they still drink. I would never judge someone that drinks and parties. For one, it would be extremely hypocritical of me to do so. Secondly, if it was not for my damn pancreas, I probably would not even be writing this post right now. I do not want people to feel different around me or feel like they should not drink around me. It is my choice to stay sober, and I do not want it affecting anyone around me. Besides, I have been friends with the majority of the people I hang out with since before we all started drinking. There is no way I would expect anyone to change, nor would I change who I hang out with just because they drink (which is something my therapist and multiple doctors told me I should do).
Fighting the alcohol addiction is something that I am struggling with on a daily basis, but it is also something that has proved to make me stronger. I can be around alcohol with out freaking out, or breaking down and having a drink. I am now finding excitement in life's daily activities that I used to find boring and mundane. If anything, the pancreatitis and ulcertive colitis have been a blessing in disguise. My life was spinning out of control, fast. I am glad I now have a firm grip on the rains. I am excited to see what 2012 has in store for me, for I am sure that it will be better then what the end of 2011 dished out.
Have a great day everyone. I hope this post has had some type of impact on your day today. If you have any questions about the pancreatitis, or how I am dealing with being sober please dont hesitate to contact me. I am a very open person, and love to talk to people about anything and everything!
Follow me on twitter @_justlutz, if you have any questions my email is andrew.lutz.86@gmail.com. I am sure the majority of the people that read this have my number as well, so feel free to text me (like I have said before, please dont call, I really hate phone coversations).
Lutzy Out!
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